User Profile

I am a Black, Christian, queer woman. Hear me ROAR!!!

These pages are my life, my fears, and my hopes. Take what you can from it and give back what you can in return. In other words, try to contribute of yourself in comments or by dropping me an email etc. every so often, even if you are a just a voyeur, but especially if you are on my friends list. Not required, just requested. Also, feel free to friend me. It often takes quite a while for me to notice new friends but I will eventually check out your journal and maybe even friend you back.

Oh, by the way, I love my vagina and if you let me, I'll love your vagina too. Tee hee. I really mean that I want you who read to know that I am so proud of being a woman, of loving women, and of coming from a woman. In fact, I am proud of all my labels, even as I resent the need for labels at all. But, I'm not holding back and I'm not ashamed - this body and mind, overly emotional, wrought with weakness and body issues, dismissed, mocked, and needy, is the most beautiful gift I have yet to receive from God. Those of you who have followed the small pieces of my journey of the past several months will know that this is not the whole story. You will know that my womanhood encases an undeniable male-represented self as well. So, perhaps I should not draw a line through, but put a parenthetical within the love of my vagina and all it entails. In that space rests my 'cock', and all that comes with it. As I understand how male body and male mind (occasionally) manifest in me, I now like the word "fluid" to describe my gender identity.

Along with my exploration of gender and sexuality is my passion for faith and God. At the moment, in addition to pursuing my psych. doctorate, I am also trying to discern what role in ministry I might have. I love God, through Jesus, will all that I am and I want to live that love into the lives of others. I want others to be on fire with that kind of love for the Divine, and the corresponding peace and joy of knowing the self. Interestingly, I have found that my understanding of my sexuality as a woman who loves women - whom God loves for that love - has deeply transformed my understanding of Christianity and propelled my yearning for ministry. So has the development of my experiential faith, known alternatively as mysticism or a comtemplative lifestyle. This spirit over dogma, experience over rules expression of Christianity really resonates with where I am right now and who I want to be in ministry. As I try to explore that part of myself more intentionally, I have written more about it here.

On top of the big themes of gender and spirituality, you will find many other themes: My struggles with mental illness, my family, relationships, negotiating polyamory, the nature of the D/s self - my growing Dominant self and my occasionally lurking submissive self (those who are specifically interested in this topic are encouraged to check out the community "powercommitment"), professional considerations and anything else that comes to my mind. All are welcome to read but please be aware that most of this journal is public, as in unfiltered, and I talk about all these topics explicitly (with the exception of a more explicit filter about sexuality and gender concerns and a second occasional filter about specific professional concerns, both of which anyone is more than welcome to request access to!, especially if you are interested in a more honest and direct exploration of those issues). We can definitely disagree but I expect my readership to be open to these different parts of self.

So, here you will find bits of me as a gendered, spirited, sexual, "activistic", professional, frightened, strong,... being. Somewhere in here, you might find my Self.

In the words of Alicia Keyes: come take this journey with me.

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